My husband and I, who I love dearly, have been subjected to the following question repeatedly:
"When are you going to have kids?!"
We have been married for four years. That's right, we have had FOUR years of that endless question. As if the, "it will happen, when it happens" response has changed since the last time I've talked to you, a month ago. I don't know when it became acceptable to constantly ask such a personal question. Frankly, it's no ones business but ours. Regardless, of what our situation is, we shouldn't have to make you feel better by coming up with an answer.
Real life can be difficult. It has been two years and two months, since we have started "trying" for a baby. Not many people know, except a handful. Our reasoning was that we didn't want people to stop with the "when" and start with the "what's wrong." We didn't know it would be so hard but I'm glad we chose to be prepared.
It has been a really hard road. I've had countless friends become pregnant, have a full pregnancy, and now their kids are 6+ months old. Last year, my sister told me she was pregnant and a week later, I had a miscarriage. My first heartbreaking miscarriage. It started during Thanksgiving week and I realized what was happening a few days later.. My OB confirmed it in December. Happy Holidays to us! It's been a battle since then. Not only emotionally but physically. During this time did all the questioning stop? No, it only became worse. Worse because I was dealing with the loss and STILL having to answer this stupid question. My husband is amazing because I would look at him and he would take over. He still uses the same phrase.
A few weeks ago, my niece was born. Such a happy time, right? Immediately, the interrogations started.
"Where are yours?"
"Does this make you want to start thinking about kids?"
"When are you going to have kids?"
I'm so tired of the intrusive questions. If I were to answer your questions honestly, you would feel so awkward. I'm sure of it. You would feel horrible. So not only do I have to hide my feelings, I have to protect yours too.
I have not been able to do the one thing that I should be able to do. These constant questions make me feel so much worse. It's like you are personally asking me, "What is wrong with you? How could you not have any kids yet?"
So this has become my private life made public. This is not a post about asking for attention or "I'm sorry". Please do not do that. This is basically about trying to get this to stop.. for the next person. Maybe it will make you think before asking this of others. Maybe couples have decided that kids are not for them or they can't have them. This questioning makes us feel so much worse. Please, please think before you ask these questions. You don't know what anyone is going through or struggling with. So while this may seem like a conversation starter to you, it could be a devastating one to another.
It has been a really hard road. I've had countless friends become pregnant, have a full pregnancy, and now their kids are 6+ months old. Last year, my sister told me she was pregnant and a week later, I had a miscarriage. My first heartbreaking miscarriage. It started during Thanksgiving week and I realized what was happening a few days later.. My OB confirmed it in December. Happy Holidays to us! It's been a battle since then. Not only emotionally but physically. During this time did all the questioning stop? No, it only became worse. Worse because I was dealing with the loss and STILL having to answer this stupid question. My husband is amazing because I would look at him and he would take over. He still uses the same phrase.
A few weeks ago, my niece was born. Such a happy time, right? Immediately, the interrogations started.
"Where are yours?"
"Does this make you want to start thinking about kids?"
"When are you going to have kids?"
I'm so tired of the intrusive questions. If I were to answer your questions honestly, you would feel so awkward. I'm sure of it. You would feel horrible. So not only do I have to hide my feelings, I have to protect yours too.
I have not been able to do the one thing that I should be able to do. These constant questions make me feel so much worse. It's like you are personally asking me, "What is wrong with you? How could you not have any kids yet?"
So this has become my private life made public. This is not a post about asking for attention or "I'm sorry". Please do not do that. This is basically about trying to get this to stop.. for the next person. Maybe it will make you think before asking this of others. Maybe couples have decided that kids are not for them or they can't have them. This questioning makes us feel so much worse. Please, please think before you ask these questions. You don't know what anyone is going through or struggling with. So while this may seem like a conversation starter to you, it could be a devastating one to another.
