Monday, July 27, 2015

It's not so easy for some

For the last few weeks there has been something that has been bugging me and I wasn't sure how to address it. I am an extremely private person. I'm not the person that will update my Facebook with my play by play moves throughout the day. Really, I don't say too much about anything important on Facebook. Even though, I'm extremely private, I'm finally going to speak up about something personal. I'm going to answer your question. 

My husband and I, who I love dearly, have been subjected to the following question repeatedly:

"When are you going to have kids?!"

We have been married for four years. That's right, we have had FOUR years of that endless question. As if the, "it will happen, when it happens" response has changed since the last time I've talked to you, a month ago. I don't know when it became acceptable to constantly ask such a personal question.  Frankly, it's no ones business but ours. Regardless, of what our situation is, we shouldn't have to make you feel better by coming up with an answer. 

Real life can be difficult. It has been two years and two months, since we have started "trying" for a baby. Not many people know, except a handful. Our reasoning was that we didn't want people to stop with the "when" and start with the "what's wrong." We didn't know it would be so hard but I'm glad we chose to be prepared.
      It has been a really hard road. I've had countless friends become pregnant, have a full pregnancy, and now their kids are 6+ months old. Last year, my sister told me she was pregnant and a week later, I had a miscarriage. My first heartbreaking miscarriage. It started during Thanksgiving week and I realized what was happening a few days later.. My OB confirmed it in December. Happy Holidays to us! It's been a battle since then. Not only emotionally but physically. During this time did all the questioning stop? No, it only became worse.  Worse because I was dealing with the loss and STILL having to answer this stupid question. My husband is amazing because I would look at him and he would take over. He still uses the same phrase.

A few weeks ago, my niece was born. Such a happy time, right? Immediately, the interrogations started. 

 "Where are yours?" 

"Does this make you want to start thinking about kids?" 

"When are you going to have kids?"

I'm so tired of the intrusive questions.  If I were to answer your questions honestly, you would feel so awkward. I'm sure of it. You would feel horrible. So not only do I have to hide my feelings, I have to protect yours too.

I have not been able to do the one thing that I should be able to do. These constant questions make me feel so much worse. It's like you are personally asking me, "What is wrong with you? How could you not have any kids yet?"


So this has become my private life made public. This is not a post about asking for attention or "I'm sorry". Please do not do that. This is basically about trying to get this to stop.. for the next person. Maybe it will make you think before asking this of others. Maybe couples have decided that kids are not for them or they can't have them. This questioning makes us feel so much worse. Please, please think before you ask these questions. You don't know what anyone is going through or struggling with. So while this may  seem like a conversation starter to you, it could be a devastating one to another. 

1 comment:

  1. THE ELECTED! BY STEVE FINNELL

    Can those elected by God resist that calling?

    ELECT-ELECTED-ELECTION: Defined (Adjective, signifies picked out, chosen.) (Noun, denotes a picking out, selection, then, that which is chosen).

    Elected means chosen. There is a view held by many that when God elects or chooses people that they cannot resist God's calling. Israel was God's elect or chosen people. God did not just select certain Jews to be saved and other Jews to be lost. Salvation was offered to the whole nation of Israel.

    Deuteronomy 7:6 For you are a holy people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for His own possession out of all the people who are on the face of the earth.

    The Jews were God's elect. Did any of them ever reject that election? Yes they did; because they had free-will.

    1 Samuel 8:7 The Lord said to Samuel, "Listen to the voice of the people in regard to all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me from being king over them.

    They rejected God as king.

    Numbers 14:11 The Lord said to Moses, "How long will this people spurn Me? And how long will they not believe in Me, despite all the signs which I have performed in their midst?

    These people were the elect of God, but they would not believe in Him. Even though they were God's elect He did not force them to believe and obey Him. THEY HAD FREE-WILL.

    Acts 7:51 "You men who are stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears are always resisting the Holy Spirit; you are doing just as your fathers did.

    Israel was God's chosen people; they were His elect, however, they always resisted the Holy Spirit. Most of them rejected Jesus as the Christ. THEY HAD FREE-WILL.

    Does God arbitrarily condemn some men to hell and elect a chosen few for salvation? NO, HE DOES NOT!

    WHO ARE THE ELECT OF GOD TODAY?

    Acts 10:34-43 Opening his mouth, Peter said: "I most certainly understand now that God is not one to show partiality, 35 but in every nation the man who fears Him and does what is right is welcome to Him. 36......Jesus Christ....43 Of Him all the prophets bear witness that through His name everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness from sins.

    WHO ARE THE ELECT OF GOD TODAY? All who believe in Jesus Christ. Yes, everyone has the chance to become the elect, the chosen of God.

    Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

    WHO ARE GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE? WHO ARE GOD'S ELECT? EVERY JEW AND EVERY GENTILE WHO MEETS GOD'S TERMS FOR PARDON UNDER THE NEW COVENANT ARE THE ELECT OF GOD. THEY ARE ALL GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE.

    GOD HAS OFFERED SALVATION TO ALL WHO BELIEVE IN JESUS THE CHRIST.


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